Why music is my passion

Everyone has their “thing”. You know, that something that has always been there… The thing that puts you at ease, that calms you down, relaxes you like nothing else can. For me, that thing is music. I don’t mean just listening to it. I mean creating it. Sure, I have other things that I truly enjoy doing… Writing and photography… but music is my first love.

Music has been my passion for as long as I can remember. My mom used to say that I would sing harmony when I was a toddler. I don’t even remember when I started playing the piano… It was that long ago. I have always had a song in my heart… A tune running through my head. It is a bit distracting sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sometimes I feel it’s easier for me to let people hear how I feel, rather than just use my words. I am fortunate enough to be able to put those feelings on paper.  I was so fortunate to have parents and music teachers who pushed me to follow through with my music education when I wanted to quit. I’m grateful now that they saw my potential. I feel so blessed.

I wish I had more time to do what I love. I would love to dedicate all day, every day, to my creative outlet. A few hours a week just doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Just when I’m getting into “the zone”, it is time for bed, it seems. At least I get some time. I try to make the most of the time I have. I’m making progress. I am starting to spread my wings.  That’s the important thing.

I have also been blessed with amazingly talented friends. They are my soul sisters. These ladies are so creative and fun. I’m a lucky girl. Together, I think we have the potential to do something wonderful. I don’t think there isn’t anything we can’t accomplish. Someday, I hope, with the poetic partnership of my gifted friends, to be able to bring OUR music to life. Our whimsical interpretation of adulthood could bring a new perspective on life. Sure, it might have been done before, but I think we have some unique experiences to bring originality to the table. I have faith that our time will come. (I will let you know when it happens. Trust me on this!)

There’s something about the whole creative process that brings me so much satisfaction and joy. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.  I lose myself in the notes, and it transports me to a wonderful paradise. It really is a part of my being, and I am so thankful for it.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq6hSvcwoz6LrNZwvuz7Eaw

Enjoy your life. Make the most of the talents you’ve been blessed with. Lose yourself in what you love.

 

 

 

Finding myself

When I was young, I was painfully shy. I would literally hide behind one of my parents when someone talked to me. It was crippling to my social life. I couldn’t even order a burger without the pickles! It was difficult to reach out and make friends, so I honestly didn’t have very many. I was always the weird one… the quiet one… the poor one… the emotional one… I hated all these things about myself. I would try to take on a different persona to try and fit in. All I wanted was to blend in with everyone else. It wasn’t until high school that I found “my tribe” of people that I could really be myself around. These people didn’t care how weird I was. They didn’t care that I would laugh so much that I would get the hiccups. They didn’t care how I dressed. They enjoyed the same music and humor that I did. Most importantly, I could truly be me. They didn’t try to change me, and I didn’t feel that I needed to change myself.

After high school, we went our separate ways, and I started to lose who I was. The big world was full of selfish, cruel people whose sole desire in life was to make me suffer. Then came a bad marriage, a bitter divorce, and split custody of my kids. I became an empty shell… damaged goods with a trunk full of baggage. I lost myself somewhere in there. I hid behind a false smile. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and no one else really did either.

Fast forward 25 years….  20+ years remarried. My kids have grown into amazing adults and are doing great things with their lives. (Proud mama moment here!) There has been a lot of struggles, laughter, and sorrow. It took a long time to crawl out of the hole I was in and start to discover myself again. There was constant soul searching. It was hard, but I did it.

The tribe is back together too. There was a long time period in there when we lost contact. That was before I had a cell phone or email. Everyone was off to various colleges, and doing incredible things. I was a terrible letter writer. (I still am. Go figure!) My people found me on Facebook.  I was elated. 🎶 Reunited, and it feels so good!

Having these beautiful friends return has brightened my life and helped me see the part of me that has been missing for so long. I was most definitely me, but I didn’t realize what part was missing until it was restored.

I am back to being that “me” that I actually love. The more confident me… the adventurous me… the genuine me… the me that accepts ME for who I am. Sure, I  have my moments. We all do. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be happy and accepting of ourselves all the time? If you figure it out, please let me know!

What I do know is that doing things that bring me joy helps bring that feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction, and self back into my life. It helps me find my balance. It helps me relax.

Summer's little guilty pleasures

pink flip flops

Finding out who you really are can be a difficult process. When you find that part of you that makes sense, hold on tight and let the good things take you on an amazing journey. Find those people that accept you for who you are. Being true to yourself and loving who you are is extremely important. We all lose ourselves sometimes. Just be sure to take time for you and find your way back!

FIND YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF. BE HAPPY.

Finding balance: How I get more out of my personal time

I’m a busy woman. I have a husband. I work a full time job, and I have a multitude of hobbies and interests. By the time dinner is done, there doesn’t seem to be much time left for ME. How do I find time for myself and all those things that I enjoy so much? I refuse to get up any earlier. I am so very NOT a morning person. Waking up earlier will not do anything for me. I’ve made multiple attempts, and it just doesn’t work for me. I can’t stay up too late either… 5:30 comes too quick as it is. I require a lot of sleep. When am I supposed to have time for my hubby, my job, housework, writing music, doing photo shoots, photo/video editing, blog posts, exercising, taking online classes, doing my craft projects, meeting with my girls…. Oh my gosh, just looking at the list here is stressing me out!

It is so hard for me to find balance!

I’ll admit, there used to be days that I didn’t do much of anything when I got home from work… at least nothing that requires much moving around. We all have those days. I’m just too tired. I’d sit on the couch and watch tv, or play games on my tablet. There I’d sit until bedtime. It still happens on occasion, but not nearly as often as it used to.

I found some motivation.

I want more out of life. I’m tired of spinning my wheels and seemingly not moving forward. In order for me to get more, I have to do more. That’s pretty obvious.

I started making to do lists. This worked… kind of. I had an impossibly unrealistic list of all the things I wanted to get done. I would do great at three or four, and then I would get sidetracked. At the end of the day, my list was still incredibly long. I was frustrated. All I could focus on was all the things I didn’t get done instead of the things I DID get done. It was so depressing. I decided to come up with a different angle…

Doing more example #1:

My friends talked me into take some free online classes. (My girls really are the best!) They have the best “sales pitch”! Honestly, I’m really excited about it. I’m not sure why it never occurred to me to do it before. After all, I love learning. I always have.

Summer is just around the corner. My daughter is getting married in August. I also have a class reunion coming up. I started up my treadmill routine again. I don’t need to lose weight, but I would like to tone up.

My solution to #1:

I can take my online classes while I workout. I use my tablet to take my classes, and I can still do my walking and my free weights all at the same time. I get around 45 minutes of exercise AND get my courses done. Success!

Doing more example #2:

Music is my passion. I love playing music… as in playing the piano, among other instruments. I love writing music. It relaxes me. It excites me. Music speaks to me.

I thoroughly enjoy photography. I love the challenge of that perfect shot. I have recently branched out into the video end of shooting too. I love the art of editing my photos and videos. (I really do enjoy not having to edit them at all though!)

My solution to #2:

I started a YouTube channel (thank you, my friends, for yet another suggestion), and have incorporated my music together with my videos and photos for the world to see. Not only is learning how to edit video interesting and challenging, but it has given me a different, eye opening perspective on my music, and how to meld the two together. It has also helped me to step out of my comfort zone. Brand new territory for me!

When I get home from work, dinner and chores are first priorities. If I do some preplanning, (think menus!), I can have dinner over, chores done, and dogs fed by 7:00. Then I go upstairs with my tablet, and start up the treadmill. I’m done with my online classes and my workout by 8:00. Next I go to my computer room and power up my computer. I get to work on my music and/or photography. By 9:30, I’m trying to button things up and start getting ready for bed. 10:00 is bedtime. (My schedule varies from day to day.)

My weekday schedule looks something like this:

Get organized!

This definitely isn’t an exact science, but the routine works well for me. When I try to stick with my schedule, I seem to get a lot accomplished in a relatively short amount of time. At the end of the day, I am satisfied with what I’ve done. That is honestly what makes this worthwhile to me… being happy with what I’ve done with my day.

 

My weekends vary a bit, but they usually look something like this:

Get more out of your weekend!

You may have noticed that I wake up pretty late on the weekend. Hey, I mentioned before that I’m not a morning person. It takes me a while to wake up and get ready to face the day!

This may all seem like a lot, but as I said before, it works for me. Yes, life happens, and things don’t always work out like I plan them to, but having the routine helps me stay on track. I get so much more done when I have at least an outline to go by. I may not get everything done on my schedule that I have planned, but it helps to keep me focused. Sometimes I set a timer. It is so easy for me to get side tracked. (Squirrel!)  My friends know all too well how distracted I can get. I find it embarrassing, but they find it hilarious.

 

Whichever way you decide to plan your time is fine… as long as it works for you! Make your list of things you want to get done and do it! It’s such a satisfying feeling when you reflect on your days and see all the things that have been accomplished.

 

Make the time you have work for you.  You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish

Plan out your days and get more out of life. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish!

Resisting the impulse buy and emotional shopping

It’s been a rough day. I’m not talking your average crappy day. I’m talking about the: “I have the worst possible migraine but I’m working anyway, every person I come in contact with is being the worst version of themselves, my car decided to have a flat tire, and I ran out of gas”, kind of day. “I’m so depressed. You know, if I bought myself a little something, it would cheer me up” kind of day.

Sound familiar? I don’t have these specific things happen to me often, and certainly not all at once, but circumstances are inevitable and out of our control. Crap is going to happen! How we deal with it is critically important. I can guarantee that if you choose to spend to try and make yourself feel better, you will end up feeling worse when you get home!

There’s also the: “I have cash burning a hole in my pocket and I just feel like buying stuff” scenario.

Enter the guilt phase. It really is a vicious cycle. Feeling down? Buy something to make you happy. Get the bill, and then you’re feeling down again… Better buy something to make you feel better…. I’ve been there! It’s tough to break the cycle and rage against the machine, but you CAN do it!

First and foremost, realizing and understanding the cycle will aid you in making better decisions for yourself. This is another case where self control is key to your success. The simplest and most obvious way to avoid the cycle is to NOT GO TO THE STORE. Several things have happened… you didn’t spend money, you didn’t use any gas, and you didn’t waste your time. There’s still temptation though. Our “everything is at our fingertips” life creates its own set of problems, doesn’t it? You can buy just about anything anywhere, and at any time. Modern technology is fantastic, isn’t it? If you’re fighting that urge, focus on something else. Play some music, work on a project, take your dog for a walk, talk to a friend, read a book, bake some muffins, do some laundry… anything that keeps your mind thinking about something else. The urge WILL pass, and you will have success. Little successes are still successes, and each one makes you stronger.

So what if you’re out with friends? Then what? Are you obligated to buy things because everyone else is? Um, NO! Even if you have to have a rehearsed speech to tell your friends… you CAN resist. Deep breaths. You’ve got this.

One step at a time. One situation at a time. You are strong. Flex your will (or won’t) power. You can do this!  And when you do, find joy in your success.

Be strong

Stay strong and enjoy your little successes.

Goals: Baby steps to achievement

I’m going to be brutally honest. I despise making goals. It stresses me out. It forces me to sit down and think about my life… every aspect of it. It makes me realize how many things I want to do, and how much I should’ve done already. Here’s the thing about me: I have VERY high expectations of myself. I am also very easily distracted. I have too many things I want to do, and delusional ideas about how I think I’m going to succeed. In the end, you guessed it… Nothing, or very close to nothing seems to get done. It can be so discouraging.

I have done years of soul searching on this subject. It is so easy to just NOT do it. I think one of the things that has maybe, quite possibly, changed my perspective on this, is my job. One of the things they ask of me every year is to set some goals. Short term ones that could be completed within 1 year, mid-term ones that could be accomplished in around 3 years, and long term ones… 5 years or longer. I moaned, groaned, and procrastinated. Like I said before, I despise making goals.

Keep looking forward, but don’t forget where you’ve been.

When they ask me to set goals, they’re not just asking for work goals, they’re asking for a combination of work and personal ones. I know, some of you may think it isn’t any of their business, and you’re probably right, HOWEVER, I’m glad that was included. It forced me to become accountable, and motivate me to get to work.

You know what? I accomplished my goals. Not all of them, but more than half. More than I would have if I hadn’t been “forced” to. I am proud to say that I have published my very own children’s book. I wrote the story ages ago. I had been dreaming about it for years, and had done nothing about it. Fear had taken over…  Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of putting myself out there.  I made it one of my goals to get the illustrations figured out and get it up on Kindle. Quite frankly, the illustrations was one of the biggest obstacles. Originally, my grandmother was going to do the artwork. She was a wonderful artist. I procrastinated, my grandma passed away, and that opportunity was gone. How special that would have been to have her handiwork included with mine. So, with my deadline approaching, I made the decision to do several different things to make the artwork a reality. I “cartoonized” a few pictures I had taken, and attempted to draw the rest. Mind you, I DID NOT inherit my grandma’s drawing talent, but I was determined to reach this goal.  AND I DID IT!  It was hard. It was frustrating. But it happened.

Accomplishing your goals feels amazing!

Amazing how making that goal has changed my outlook on so many things! I’m not completely over the fear, but that book changed me. Watching something important come to life is exhilarating. It opens your eyes to all the possibilities that lie before you. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE IT HAPPEN. Things don’t magically happen on their own. It sure would be nice if they did, wouldn’t it? It takes effort, accountability, and dedication.

Here’s what I want to ask of you. I want you to make some REALISTIC goals for yourselves. Take some time to contemplate things that you really want. Do some research if you need to. Figure out what it will take to make them happen. Short term, mid-term, and long term. 3 in each category. Write them down. Share them with your family and friends. Let them help keep you accountable. Let them cheer you on. Let them help you celebrate when you accomplish them.  Making goals and seeing them on paper makes them real. It makes them important. Reading those goals every day motivates you. Spend a little time every day getting closer to your end game. Baby steps… Five minutes here, ten minutes there… Before you know it, the end is in sight.

You can do this! Get ready to change your life!  LET’S MAKE IT HAPPEN!

The importance of friends and a support system

I have spent the last few days in Havre, Montana for work. I was excited to come and see scenery I had never seen before. I brought my camera. I was also extremely anxious because, never having been to Montana before, I didn’t know what to expect. New area, new people… I pulled into my location with my stomach in knots. How was I going to get past my own social awkwardness and do what I came to do?  I took a deep breath, gathered my courage and off I went. I walked in with a smile on my face and introduced myself. Please, oh please, just let me make it through the day without feeling like an idiot.

These people are amazing. They put me at ease. They made me feel at home in minutes. There is a low key, homey feel to the area, and I love that everybody knows everybody. They check up on each other. They help each other out. They bring in doughnuts and pie… just because they feel like it. (Very delicious pie, I might add.)  I can honestly say that I have made friends here. It’s been 2 days, and I have friends in a state that I had never been to before Sunday afternoon. We swapped phone numbers, and I know I will actually call or text them soon. I will check in with them and make sure they’re doing okay. I know they will call me if they need my help. I am their support system. It feels great.

Having friends and a support system is so important. We all need help sometimes. We all need to rely on someone at some point. We need personal cheerleaders standing on the sidelines to boost us up. We need people to look us in the eye and tell us everything is going to be okay, no matter what the situation is.

I have goals… A lot of them. I let people know what my goals are. They need to know. They can’t support me and help me along if they don’t know what’s up.

Last summer I decided that I was going to try to exercise every day, try and eliminate the majority of sugar in my diet, and eat vegetarian for 30 days. This was a big challenge for me. I tend to be lazy when I get home from work. I adore sweets. I also really love bacon and sausage. I told my friends what I was going to do, and they helped me so much. They laughed at me and thought I was insane, (hey, that’s what friends are for!), but they helped me through every single day with my internal struggles. I seriously could not have done it without them. They brought in healthy, meatless snacks… and they encouraged me to get a fitbit. I did, and I love it. I love my friends for helping me reach my goals.

Be that friend who lifts another. Be the friend that can be relied upon. Be the one that says, “I know chocolate comes from the cacao tree, but that doesn’t make it a fruit, no matter how much you think it should”. Be the type of friend that you would want cheering YOU on. 

 

Getting more out of life

I go through life one day at a time, just like you, I’m sure. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, and do it all over again the next day. Anymore, it seems that’s all I do. There seems to be little or no time for the things I long to do. My days, evenings, and weekends are full of chores and things I HAVE to do. After awhile, I feel like my routine is so…. routine. I realize that I’m taking so many things for granted. I’m taking EVERYTHING for granted. I would lay awake in bed dreading getting up in the morning to go do the same things… again. I needed a change.

Then, something amazing happened last summer. I had dinner with some of my music friends one evening. I’ve known these lovely ladies since high school, and even though we didn’t see each other all that often, it was always like no time had passed at all. We sat for hours talking about getting a music group together. Mind you, we have lightly touched on it in the past, BUT, this time was different. We wanted it… BADLY. We wanted to be a part of something inventive and creative. We wanted to have fun. We wanted to be a part of something special. We sat and wrote down page after page of ideas. We made plans. We made time commitments. That was the spark that changed something in me. 

We all lead busy lives. We all lead stressful lives. We made time in our busy, stressful lives to meet EVERY WEEK for a few hours. (Okay, I think we’ve missed 4 in the last 9 months, but that is nothing to scoff at!)  We work on exciting music. (And someday soon, we’ll figure out how to put it all together!) We talk about anything and everything… and I do mean ANYTHING. We vent. We cry. We laugh hysterically. We have an amazing friendship. We have a support system. These wonderful women challenge me, and hold me accountable for all the things I say I want to do. Together we have a vast amount of knowledge and connections. They make me want to do more with the gifts I’ve been blessed with, and they know how to help make it happen. My life has changed.

When we first started getting together every week, I felt a bit guilty. I left my hubby and my doggies at home, and went to our meeting. I felt bad about getting home a little later than I probably should on a “school night”. I mentioned this to my other half, and I was surprised by his reply. He told me that he had seen a change in me. He said he could see that I seemed to be happier. I’ve been in a better mood.  I’m enjoying being me. He doesn’t mind that I go. In fact, he insists that I go. That is incredible.

I have a lot of hobbies. I love photography. I love music. I love being craftsy. I love writing. I feel like I have accomplished more in the last 9 months, than I have in the last 20 years. I have stepped out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I truly feel that I am getting more out of life. 

My challenge for you, is simple. Put yourself out there and do all those wonderful things you’ve been meaning to do. Start with one simple thing. Make time for yourself. Learn something new. This is such an amazing time to be alive. Knowledge is at our fingertips. Even the littlest of things can change your attitude. It can change your whole perspective. It will make you feel alive.

Shadow dancer

GO AND GET MORE OUT OF LIFE.